Now, we have to be discerning, right, because everyone does Hamlet. Boring. Everyone does Romeo and Juliet. Boring. Everyone does Macbeth. Boring. Know what everyone doesn't do? Othello. Now we don't want to go crazy adapting that to a movie because haters wanna hate and people get mad when you mess with a classic, so instead you do a sequel. We call it, get this, O2.
The O stands for Othello.
Now I can hear you saying, "But wait, didn't everyone die at the end?" Yes. We can work around that. What if... we set it in space? Now we can have cloning. Oh? What? Othello just killed Desdemona and then himself? Fuckin' cloned. Done. But that's still messing with a classic, and believe you me, you do not want a Shakespeare nerd mad at you. So we keep the original exactly as is, same dumb speaking and everything. Only he gets cloned two thousand years in the future. Now of course, if we bring him back, we have to bring back Desdemona and Iago too. You gotta have a love interest and if we already have a villain why waste time coming up with a new one?
So here's what we do, because we gotta have action, explosions, crazy shit like that. I mean, we're in f'n space here. Let's not let that golden opportunity go to waste. Iago gets cloned first. "That's dumb," I can hear you saying. Know what I say?
"You're dumb, now sit down and shut the fuck up! What has two thumbs and pitched a thousand blockbusters? This guy. What has two thumbs and paid to see them? You. Get the picture? Good."
Iago gets cloned because the space courts have decided, after reviewing his case, that he got off light. People who get off light, especially people who are dead or sentenced to multiple life sentences get cloned and are forced to serve all of their terms. So space court says Iago needs to be punished more. He gets cloned and they lock him up in space prison for clones with other bad guys like Space Hitler and Space Castro and Space Whoever We Hate At The Time. That's right. We've got Space Nazis, Space Commies, and Space Terrorists. You know shit's gonna get real, amirite?
Now Iago is a sneaky persuasive bastard, and we're going to keep him talking in Shakespeare speech because it will really help the audience to hate him. Well, he gets to talking and because he's so slick and charming, people start listening. Soon, he's got his finger in the space president's ear and bam! he's out of jail and conning people. He's taken over, and now he's seized production of the air supplies (because this is space and you need air in space).
The O stands for Oxygen (Get it? It's called O2 like air and like Othello 2).
Of course, some space rebels realize what's what and they go and clone Othello, who has a serious vendetta against Iago. Did I mention that Othello's a general? Not kidding. This is in Shakespeare's original play. It's like he handed us a gift. If Othello's already a general, then the Shakespeare die hards will praise the movie for it's authenticity, which means we'll get all the rich white people to show up, who will buy the shit out of O2 merchandising.
Right, so Othello starts commanding an army, blowing shit up. Nuking worlds. Like you do. But we need a love interest, so Iago clones Desdemona, only he brainwashes her, right? So she's all like "Othello, I love you. You're so great. Let's go do this thing over here." He's using her to throw Othello off track, and get this, to nuke anyone who stands in Iago's way. Once again, Iago tricks Othello, only this time his wife actually IS deceiving him. Plot twist! Also, mad hot reuniting sex scene (maybe multiple Desi clones for a reuniting orgy scene? What do you think?)
So the whole time, we think Othello's getting duped, and things are at their worst. Iago controls all the breathable air in the universe and he's charging crazy high prices so people can't afford it. But then he pretends he's being generous by saying that he'll give the air away for free to anyone who supports him for Space Emperor (which is higher than Space President). That's when Othello takes his cybernetic squad of super soldiers called MOORS (Mutant Omega Operations Robot Soldier) who charge Iago's station and kick ass, killing people and taking names. As the soldiers are blowing the crap out of everything, Othello gets into the throne room where Iago has installed himself and standing between them is Desdemona, who Iago has given ninja implants. It looks like Othello is going to have to kill her again if he wants his vengeance.
But wait! Plot twist AGAIN! Othello gives an impassioned speech about love and forgiveness to Desdemona, which we think will win her over. It doesn't. In reality, Desi isn't double crossing him. She's TRIPLE crossing Iago! Othello cloned her ahead of time and only made Iago THINK he controlled her so Othello could get to the bottom of Iago's plans. Then the two of them team up against Iago, except, oh shit! Iago's got cybernetic killer implants too. He's got finger spikes, gun arms, force fields. All kinds of crazy shit.
Big ass fight. Meanwhile MOORS are blowing up everything else. Spaceships flying, lasers, rockets, exposions. Then Iago says "You can't win. Right now all the world bows to me because they're sucking on my air!"
"Yeah?" says Othello. "Well, suck on this!" Then he shoots his laser pistol and blows up an air tank (because O2 is flammable). The room starts exploding. Iago goes "NOOOOOO!!!"
They run out as the space station explodes. Sex on the escape pod. Queue credits.
Did I mention Othello is black? Not only do we get to deal with contemporary issues like terrorism and democracy via capitalism, but we also get to deal with racism and interracial love (which the housewives love, let me tell you what).
It's got everything. It has sex. It has violence. It has drama. It has relevant issues and shit. It has plot twists. It has fucking Shakespeare. The high schools will all bring their students to watch because it's educational and shit. College students will to. Rich people. Poor people. Money in the bank!
Now, where do we sign to get this picture going?
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